No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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