I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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