woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
