Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
