Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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