I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
