Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
