My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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