I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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