I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I did not marry a roomba.
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