I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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