remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
