We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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