You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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