So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
