watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
