You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
false alarm, still single
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