He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
