You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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