Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
