wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
