TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
