shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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