At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
