My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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