seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
