what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
