Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
