Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
