I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
