So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
