Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
