So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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