But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
