Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i think i have two assholes
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
