just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
