wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
