Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
