I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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