i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
