when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
