You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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