see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
