Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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