He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
