Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
