Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
