OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
