once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
