I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
